Humour

Every now and then, some humour is appreciated. So here are a few things to think on.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.

The guy then says "OK, now what?"

A joke, according to Heinlein, is an anecdote containing imagery of people suffering in some way or other.

I tried water polo, but my horse drowned.

There are also jokes based on personal misperceptions of the world.

I went down to my local supermarket and I said: "I want to make a complaint. This vinegar's got lumps in it". He said: "Those are pickled onions."

Sometimes, humour can come from unexpected places. My aging eyes, for one thing. I am always misreading signs. A while back, I saw a sign outside a recruitment agency which read "GODDAMN SKILLS." Took me a double take to realise they were asking for "GOOD ADMIN SKILLS." And another time, when I was handing Mum a box of hair dye from L'Oreal. Recital Preference. I could swear there was no "I" in that word "RECITAL."

And there are misunderstandings about the way the world works. Such as why I can't find any entries for ninja schools in the Yellow Pages.

Then there are the other observations, sometimes really bad puns:-

The other day, I visited a zoo. It had one exhibit. A dog.

It was a Shih Tzu.

Larry Niven once called laughter "an interrupted defence mechanism," and observed on the folly of someone deliberately setting out to activate someone's defence mechanism.

Jane was watching vigilantly at her dying husband's side.

"Sleep now, it's all right," she told him. But he kept trying to sit up and said, "Honey, I really need to tell you something."

"Easy," says Jane. "You can tell me, if you want."

"Jane, honey, I need to tell you something before I die. During the last two months, I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother."

"Don't worry about it," Jane said, "I already know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

I hear there's a position open for an awards presenter at WorldCon.