Bill and Ted: What Really Happened

I always wondered what happened to Bill and Ted. And this morning, some answers struck me.

Chuck de Nomolos' Master Plan, hatched in the aftermath of his failed attempt to alter the future to his liking by substituting robot duplicates for the boys, involved going into the past and making Bill S Preston Esq. disappear altogether.

On his own, Theodore Logan went into Hollywood movies, starring in a bunch of science fiction action films whose ultimate philosophical aim was to spread depression and misery everywhere, before himself becoming a meme of sadness, a lonely bearded figure sitting on a park bench.

In this altered future, capitalism would slowly collapse, worm-riddled from within by a succession of weak-minded adventurers in positions of power and rapacious stock market traders and bankers raping the markets like packs of rabid piranhas. The threat of terrorism would turn the world into an armed prison camp, with those weak, slack-jawed puppets of vested interests living in such fear of the general public that they turn everywhere into a grim surveillance state, with ubiquitous warrantless wiretaps and CCTVs in every house, bedroom and toilet.

So far, Chuck's plan seems to be working pretty well.

The more you think about it ...

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"And if we have unearned luck, now to scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long. Else the Puck a liar call ..."

So speak.