Venomous Bite

If you just followed a link here out of curiosity, greetings. I maintain a number of blogs - this one, The Plainclothes Clown, Musings of the Welsh Warlock, Perchance To Dream, Science Fiction and Fantasy Blog and Hypnotic Erotic - covering a variety of different themes.

2013-05-21

New Blog - Klingon Teachings

I have created a new blog, dedicated to teaching the basics of tlhIngan Hol Klingon language.

I'm acknowledged across the UK as a pretty experienced expert on Klingon, and I have frankly tried making Klingon accessible to the general population for more than twenty years, now. And with Star Trek Into Darkness (poH mIgh 'el Hov leng) in the cinemas right now, this seems as good a time as any.

I began with the introductory post nuqneH. This said a little about the blog, and what it aims to do.

It was followed by this post, showing fifty highly useful Klingon nouns. A basic vocabulary which you can access regularly while learning the words off by heart.

So, then, tlhIngan paQDI'norgh is a go as of 2013 05 20. I hope you will stick with it, and learn enough Klingon to amaze and astonish your friends. Qapla'!

2013-05-20

An Unexpected Visitor [an old friend gets caught up in fanfic]

There was a strange, alien, pulsing, throbbing sound coming from the open doorway in the side of the blue box. The box, the size of a large armoire, was an ungainly rectangular block with windows and a large lamp on top. The word "POLICE" was written on top of the curious box.

Tracy Henry approached the strange, noisy box, a heavy tyre iron in her hand. The sound of its arrival in her room - a loud groaning, wheezing sound followed by a dull boom as it landed, and the squeak of the door being opened - had chilled her with fear as she'd lain in her bed, listening to the noises coming from her living room.

'You have very nice pets,' said an energetic, enthusiastic voice from behind her. Unfamiliar voice. British accent. Startled, Tracy spun around, ready to deliver a crushing blow upon the intruder's head if he came anywhere near her.

The stranger stood in the door of her apartment, cradling a cat in his arms. The cat, purring, kneaded his claws into the stranger's tweed jacket. A large golden lab stood at the man's feet, sniffing at his ankles. The man's long face looked at Tracy; his forehead frowned. He looked like a man who had been frowning for so very long, as if so few things in life brought him pleasure any more and the frown was a default expression on his weary face.

Then he brokw into a slow smile, the warmth reaching his twinkling eyes. He looked down at the cat. 'Yes, of course, Aeryn,' he said, letting the cat down gently to the ground. Aeryn glanced at the lab, and turned away from the stranger to make its way across the living room to brush up against Tracy's feet as the dog crossed over the room to join his friend.

'Who the hell are you?' Tracy asked.

'Ah,' the man said, in his clipped British accent. He adjusted a red bow tie with his now-free hands and looked at Tracy. 'I'm The Doctor. Pleased to meet you.'

'What are you doing here in my apartment?'

'Are you called Alex, by any chance?' The Doctor asked. 'Only, the psychic paper told me to come at once.' He pulled out a small wallet, resembling a police ID card, and presented the small rectangle of paper to Tracy.

'It's blank,' Tracy said.

'Is it?' The Doctor said. He showed the paper to the canine and the cat, who looked at it. 'They understand it,' he said. He looked at the item in his hand. 'Are you sure?'

'Positive,' Tracy replied.

'Here,' The Doctor said, handing her the card. 'It might be broken. Use it on me.'

Tracy accepted the psychic paper reluctantly from The Doctor, and looked at it. On it was her photo and identification.

'This was blank a moment ago,' she said. 'What the hell?' She showed it to The Doctor, who grinned.

'Pleased to meet you, Miss Henry,' The Doctor said. 'I am sorry for barging in on you, but I thought you were an Alex. I could have sworn these were the right coordinates. It doesn't sound as if I'm in Wales at all.'

'You're a hell of a long way from Wales, mister,' Tracy said, hefting the tyre iron.

'So where am I, then?'

'You're in San Marcos, Texas,' Tracy replied, 'and it is three am.'

'Is it?' The Doctor said. 'That's the problem with being a time traveller. Every time is the same.'

'What are you doing here, anyway?' Tracy asked. 'And how did that thing end up in my living room?'

'Are you sure you're not an Alex?' The Doctor said. 'Or perhaps you know someone called Alex?'

'As a matter of fact,' Tracy replied, 'I do know someone called Alex who lives in Wales. Alex Greene. We're the best of friends. We regularly communicate online.'

'There you go!' The Doctor said. 'Excellent! I knew the Tardis hadn't let me down!'

'The what?'

'Tardis! Time And Relative Dimensions In Space!' The Doctor beamed, straightening out his bow tie again. 'That box behind you. It's not just a blue box. That is my ship. It's a spaceship. It also travels through time.'

'Are you on something?'

The Doctor shook his head, and looked around the apartment. He sniffed. 'Is that ... tea?' He looked at her. 'Can I smell tea? Do you have tea here?'

'Yeah,' Tracy replied. 'In the kitchen.'

'Exquisite!' The Doctor said. 'I know this is imposing on you, Miss Henry, but I would very much like three things.'

'And what would they be?'

'First, a live link to Alex Greene,' The Doctor said. 'I can track down his coordinates in Wales and make the jump there.'

'What would you want of Alex?' Tracy asked, a look of suspicion on her face. 'That box says "POLICE." Neither he nor I have good reason to like or trust cops much. Are you a cop?'

'No, actually,' The Doctor replied. 'In truth, if you checked, you'd find that I am in fact a criminal, by the standards of my people. I stole that,' he said, pointing to the Tardis behind her.

'If you're a crook,' Tracy asked, 'then why should I help you to contact my friend?'

'Because,' The Doctor replied, 'he could help me to solve a minor problem that has been bothering me. The answer to a question someone asked me. For some reason, the Tardis' telepathic translation software can't translate the language. Something about a species I've never heard of called Klingons?'

At that, Tracy could not help but smile. Answering a question about the Klingon language would be right up Alex's street. 'He would definitely help you with that,' she replied. 'Klingon is his speciality. He doesn't just study it as a linguist would - language is a personal experience for him, something spoken. Something lived.'

'Ah,' The Doctor replied. 'Then that sounds like just the sort of person I'm after, then.'

'You said you needed three things,' Tracy said, the tyre iron hanging almost forgotten now in her hand, by her side. 'You've told me the first. What are the other two?'

'I would very much like to have a cup of tea, second of all,' The Doctor said. 'And third ...'

'"Third," what?' The tyre iron rose slightly.

'Third,' The Doctor said, 'after tea, I would very much like you to come with me. Would you like to meet this Alex fellow in person? I could do with you to come along and introduce me.'

The tyre iron dropped to the floor, bounced. Tam and Aeryn looked at it impassively, then looked back up at Tracy.

'Can they come along too?' Tracy asked.

'Tam and Aeryn?' The Doctor beamed. 'Certainly.'

'Then in that case,' Tracy said, pushing past The Doctor, 'let me get the kettle on. And I'll also need to get changed.'

--------------------

The following challenge appeared on tumblr:-

Reblog if you DARE someone to write a fic about you and the character of their choosing and send it in an ask/submit.

2013-05-17

XKCD 1190: "Time," Part 16

The XKCD for Monday 2013 03 25, post 1190, "Time,", has been going on since March bloody forever. The alt text reads "Wait for it."

Since it first loaded, a new frame has regularly popped up, telling a very long story.

The unfolding story now continues from here.

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