Chugging The Chuggers

I had this conversation with a chugger ("charity worker + mugger" = "chugger") out on the street of my home town a few days before last Christmas.

Chugger: Hello, Sir. I wonder if I could interest you in a charitable organisation called XXXXXX?

Me: Why, certainly. Charity work is incredibly gratifying to you, wouldn't you say?

Chugger: Yes, it is, sir. XXXXXX is a charity concerning itself with -

Me: Tell me. How long have you been doing this for XXXXXX?

Chugger: About two weeks. Now, XXXXXX -

Me: It must be good. Tell me. How long do you do it?

Chugger: What?

Me: How many hours in a day?

Chugger: I've been here all afternoon, actually.

Me: And you do this for, what, a good few hours?

Chugger: Yeah, actually. [shuffles feet]

Me: And then off home when it's over?

Chugger: Yeah, back to my digs to do my studies.

Me: So you're a student?

Chugger: Yes, at XXXXXXXXXXster University.

Me: Tell me. What do you study?

Chugger: Philosophy.

Me: Fantastic. I love philosophy. Tell me. do you participate in debating societies and that? Seems a philosophy student's particularly well equipped to take part in moral debates and that.

Chugger: Well, we have a debating society at XXXXXXXXXXster University, but -

Me: Tell me. Can I interest you in the XXXXXXXXXXster Public Debating Society? I'm attending a meeting next Tuesday, and they'd welcome new members.

Chugger: Well ...

Me: Here's a brochure. It'll tell you everything you need to know about them and what this year's syllabus of debates is. [hands spare brochure] We'd really love to hear from you. [checks watch] Oh, look at me. I'm going to be late.

Chugger: ...

Me: Nice to have chatted with you, er ...

Chugger: Vincent. [this is not his real name - but he did give me his real name on the street]

Me: Nice to meet you, Vincent. I'm [Lucifuge Rofocale] [I didn't give him my real name] See you at the debate!

No, seriously, this is how I chugged a chugger ...

1 comment:

"And if we have unearned luck, now to scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long. Else the Puck a liar call ..."

So speak.