Venomous Bite

My primary blog

2013-03-03

Livejournal Archive: Strike Force Zero Boils A Cup Of Tea

This article first appeared in my Livejournal blog, The Plainclothes Clown here.

Last week, an inspiration came to me for a parody of the organisation listed within World of Darkness: Demon Hunter X: a team of dedicated agents known as Strike Force Zero.

As a result, I penned the following spoof article, which had me giggling uncontrollably all night long ...


A cell of Strike Force Zero prepares to boil a cup of tea

Shiro, the Handsome Leader: Get ready!

All: Strike Force Zero, GO!

Shiro: Kettle!

Tanaka, the Rebel: In position!

Shiro: Water!

Machiko, the Token Female: Pouring! [pours water] Water in place!

Shiro: Tanaka, status!

Tanaka: Containment secure! Kettle is full and ready to activate!

Shiro: Giant, power circuits! Report!

Giant, the Bruiser: Power conduit all clear! Ready to go!

Machiko: Current holding and steady!

Shiro: Psyop, tea status report!

Psyop, the runt (read that again, I SAID RUNT!) with the speech impediment: Reep doo wah b'ding briiiiit -

Tanaka [wry grin]: What - EVER ...

Machiko: All systems reporting ready!

Tanaka: Set!

Shiro: Activating kettle ... NOW!

[Shiro pushes button on side of kettle]

All [to the accompaniment of kata style flourishes in unison]: RAPID! WATER!! BOILAGE!!!

[Optional DVD ending cut from original Japanese anime footage]

[Kettle inexplicably morphs into unstoppable 500 foot Mecha Samurai colossus of metal, steam and plastic that promptly goes on the rampage and trashes half of Tokyo]

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"And if we have unearned luck, now to scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long. Else the Puck a liar call ..."

So speak.