The Maths Tutor - Further Conversation

A few days back, this spammer asked me if I could "give his 14 y.o. son maths tutoring." The spammer seems to have no idea that I don't live in the United States, and in fact has not asked me if I actually live in the same country as the one his "son" intends to visit.
In this post here, I posted details of our correspondence over the past few days. I last sent the man an outrageous post that should have cast doubts and some small fears for the safety of his kid, assuming the kid exists which I doubt, painting my place as a den of sexual debauchery, with latex BDSM gear, butt plugs and liquid latex frequented by Satanists.
I mentioned things like slipping his fictitious kid a Mickey and trussing him up naked with a ball gag in his mouth, nudity, non-medical use of nitrous oxide and scenes of sexual arousal; a whole catalogue of kink - in other words, anything but maths tutoring. Any real parent would wither have ceased responding at all, or would have responded with an outraged post about "monsters like you should be locked up" or whatever. As you would.
This morning, he actually replied - and he'd taken the time to answer all the questions seriously. He seemed to have ignored the glaring warning signs and answered the questions as asked. I enclose his reply below (I have bolded his responses).
Does your son have any dietary or medical requirements? YES
Does he have diabetes, allergies and so on, NO or specific dietary strictures due to his religion or vegetarianism? NO
Does your son have any problems with access, such as a disability preventing him from climbing stairs, blindness or deafness? NO
Do you require me to provide you with a copy of my CRB disclosure certificate? NO
You never know if the person you are trusting with your son's welfare might feed him tea laced with GHB and take photos of him while he's nice and sleepy, all trussed up naked with a ball gag in his mouth or something. Which reminds me; does he have asthma?  NO
I have to ask specifically about asthma because your son would have to be careful in my place. I know how curious young people are, and no matter how carefully I might lock away my handcuffs, my bondage gear and my bottle of laughing gas I know that the curious mind is always bound to want to dig around. I don't want him coming across my bottles of liquid latex and touching my butt plugs, and I certainly don't want to come from the shower and find him huffing my nitrous, half passed out with a medical mask over his face, naked, giggling, horny. Nitrous is expensive, you know, so I hope he is the sort to stay put and do the exercises I will give him, and even the maths exercises. I've had this happen to guests who never told me they had asthma, and believe me it's a nightmare.
Do you have any objections to your son being taught vedic mathematics by an occultist vegetarian whose best friend (who frequently drops in unannounced) is a bisexual lesbian Tantric sex magic priestess, follower of the Left Hand Path (as am I, incidentally) and High Priestess of the local branch of the Cult of Set? NO
We're all for tolerance and diversity here, so I hope he won't have any objections on religious grounds.
If you can answer my queries first, I will be happy to comply with your insistent request for my personal details.
Please send me the name to be written on the check and the address where the check should be mailed too. and send me your phone number, mobile number, i will be waiting to hear from you.
Seriously, this spammer can't take a hint, can he?

Edit: I have sent him further correspondence, below.
Thank you for your reply.
I have some unfortunate questions, I'm afraid, and I need to know the answers before you continue.
First of all, in your first correspondence you stated the following:-
you can teach my Him Anywhere around you if that is OK by you so i will like you to teach my Son the best of you when he get to the USA for the lessons.
Do you realise that I do not live in the United States at all? That, in fact, I don't live anywhere near that continent whatsoever. I've made a point of not telling you what town I live in, only the general area - and I might not even be telling the truth about even that - except that I genuinely don't live in the United States.
If you genuinely want to send me real money for doing nothing, please go ahead. I'll tell you the address of a Western Union branch in the nearest big town, and as soon as I get a chance I'll let you wire money there - but otherwise I don't think I can help you at all if the sentence "I do not live in the United States" has escaped your notice even now.
I do not live in the United States.
And I also do not consider you genuine, either, but a possible spammer. I won't consider you genuine unless you send me a photo of your son as proof.
Good day.

Now let's see how he responds to that ...

Edit:  Yup, as you may have guessed, he disappeared. I haven't heard from him since. There you go. I enjoyed trolling the spammer but fun and games don't last forever.

No comments:

Post a Comment

"And if we have unearned luck, now to scape the serpent's tongue, we will make amends ere long. Else the Puck a liar call ..."

So speak.